Lovesick? The symptoms and the cure

The fact is you are lovesick – another name is that you’re depressed. Things have got so bad after your breakup that you do feel literally sick. Your mind is telling your body that things are definitely not OK. Your body is responding to the news that your ideal partner for life no longer things you’re their ideal partner, for who knows how many reasons, and so it’s over, sending you into torture and turmoil. But there it is, and you are now in the throes of the gut-wrenching agony with physical symptoms to match your emotional ones. Great.

It’s not unusual in the initial days after a breakup to feel as though you can barely function. The physical checklist might go something like this:

• No appetite or too much
• Can’t sleep or you can’t stop sleeping
• Feel exhausted the whole time
• Can’t speak or have difficulty communicating
• Cry all the time or on-and-off crying jags
• Headaches
• Bowel problems
• Panic attacks and feelings of anxiety
• Want to throw up from the stress
• Flu-type symptoms, but its not the flu.

That is the general list of the worst of the symptoms. You may have any number of these depending on the day or how long it has been. They symptoms may come in waves. They are the symptoms of grief. Feelings of anger are commonly in the mix too (just to make things more complex!)

These symptoms also mirror the effects of depression, although depression can involve other more intense emotional and psychological symptoms; hopelessness and a general feeling that your life is a disaster; a lack of energy or enthusiasm for anything; or feelings of suicide.

“You can let yourself off the mood swings you go through. Hold firm. You can and you will come out the other side of it all.”

As mentioned above, if these are the overwhelming feelings, then you definitely need to enlist outside help.

Grief occurs in stages, as was originally said by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in relation to dying. We tend to move through some identifiable stages in response to loss:

• Shock – The facts/change in situation
• Denial – The barrier/protection of
• Depression – The loss/(emotional pain)
• Anger – The reactions/processing
• Bargaining – The negotiation/forgiveness
• Acceptance – The resolution/release

At any moment you may go back and forward through any of these, but they’re all part of the cycle of grieving.

Sometimes there may be an aftershock too. For example, your partner delivers news that they wish to be single and then (soon) after that, comes the news that they have found a new relationship. To top that (as if it couldn’t get worse) they are getting married (it can), and then you hear, months after, that they are about to become a parent (the final straw!) Now that they may be an exaggerated and speed-up view of events by each time a piece of news (another one of ‘the facts’ comes in, a new cycle of grieving can be triggered. This is because your own dreams, hopes and expectations are being systematically dismantled over a period of time.

No matter which leg of the cycle you are on, it can be extremely demanding on your psyche and your body. You can let yourself off the mood swings you go through. Hold firm. You can and you will come out the other side of it all.

Here’s how...

The Cure 

1. Lots and lots of mineral water and herbal teas
2. Equal amounts of fresh air
3. A new routine for your body: yoga, pilates, exercise, sport
4. Vitamins (especially C, magnesium and B vitamins)
5. Really healthy food, preferably organic and definitely not junk
6. More sleep and herbal supplements to help you if you’re up all night
7. Other supplements – St Johns Wort, Rescue Remedy, natural mood enhancers
8. Massage to help loosen up tension
9. Meditation to clear the mind

Be positive. The best is yet to come.

Photographer: Anthea Paul