Betrayal is as betrayal does…

Hardcore way to view it?  You needed the lesson. Still ouch. We understand your pain, but at least let’s get something positive out of the experience, shall we?

Possible Lessons:

1. It may be that you needed to learn detachment or learn about freedom; or
2. You might have needed to face up to other issues such as honesty and integrity and how important they are in life or for you generally; and
3. The best is yet to come and the betrayal event clears the way for that.

These points each represent a different way to view it and this is the level of mastery you will hopefully get to, in time. You need time though! It is my sincerest wish for you that rather than looking at the downside of what has occurred, you’ll be more concerned with the overarching issues and what the lessons are for you to absorb.

The problem with fighting a betrayal is that it may become worse for you.  It’s happened, you’ve found out or been told by a concerned friend and now … you want revenge. Revenge is negative energy. Uh-oh.  No stalking his place or incessant phone calls, text messaging or otherwise.  Be still.  Silence is golden!  When you say little or nothing, the message of what you’re not saying has more impact.  It’s powerful.  It’s dignified. Put it this way, they know what they’ve done, so there’s no point really ‘going there’ and letting them have it.  Really, you just have to decide what you’re going to do with the information.

“Silence is golden!  When you say little or nothing, the message of what you’re not saying has more impact.”

There’s also the possibility that if you carry on too much, you may force your now ex-partner into staying with someone they don’t really want, just because you’re behaving so unbearably.  Or worse, you may convince your partner into coming back to you because you’ve made him feel so guilty – not the best reason for a relationship to continue.  Or, your behavior in reaction to theirs might be just the reason or excuse they’ve been waiting for – for whatever reasons.  Think about that.  To me it shows that everyone needs some time out!

Try dealing with the situation with the five Ds: decorum, dignity, discipline (repeat after me: I will not call anyone names), decency (play fair – you don’t want to slum it) and, importantly, detachment.

Let your ex feel insecure about their decision and their desires rather than vindicated because you were a psycho-chick anyway.  If they’re that committed to being with someone else (and they’re obviously not committed to being with you), then nothing you do or say will change their mind.

Everyone is free to make choices.  You don’t, and can’t, own anyone.

You don’t need to expose yourself to further pain or hurt.  Protecting yourself and your feelings and behaving with dignity is your only responsibility at this point.