The Rebound Trip

Without realising, I recently went on a “rebound trip”. I booked a flight to Vietnam as it became apparent that my relationship wasn’t going to survive, due to mutual realisation that we were on different paths. As I frequently get bouts of itchy foot syndrome, I didn’t immediately connect this impulsive trip with my relationship situation. However, once I began my journey through Vietnam, it became clear that travel is an effective antidote to a failed love story and provides a new focus when someone exits your life.

Here are five principles that I found central to my “rebound trip” experience:

1) Distance.

Okay, so this one seems obvious. However, I’m not talking about physical distance here, but the emotional variety. In a break up, even a relatively amicable one like mine, emotions run ragged and unresolved tensions niggle.  Travel takes the bite out of these feelings, by giving you space to calm down and focus on something else - and a welcome break from questions by well-meaning friends and family.

2) Confidence.

After the excitement, romance and comfort that a relationship brings, it can be hard to feel confident about being single again. However, travel (particularly solo) can boost your self-esteem; you survive tough situations, make friends on the road and prove to yourself that you can have amazing experiences on your own. In Vietnam, I hiked up mountains with local tribes, motorbiked around on dirt paths (rather badly, but oh well) and kayaked around limestone islands. These were feats I enjoyed solely for my confident, single self.

3) Laughter.

In the throes of a relationship meltdown, you don’t often feel like laughing. But laughter, or even a simple smile, helps to release endorphins, chemicals closely associated with falling in love. We need those, whether in a relationship or not.

“Travel often brings you into situations where you can’t help but grin ear-to-ear or giggle like a schoolgirl, regardless of how hard it is back home.”

On my trip, I remember how a ridiculously bumpy bus ride made me and my fellow passengers nervously laugh and whoop like we were on a rollercoaster ride. Another giddy memory is grinning broadly while riding a bike through the countryside. It was like being a child again, and it felt great.

4) Optimism.

To travel successfully, you have to (at least temporarily) become an optimist. For example, you need to be hopeful it won’t rain on the island you are travelling for hours by rickety bus to reach - and even if it does, you’ll find some fun people to occupy your time with anyway. Going away automatically turns you into a “glass half-full” person, and this can rub off on other areas of your life too. On returning home, I was more confident about my goals for the months ahead, rejuvenated by my injection of travel optimism.

5) Perspective.

This is the biggie. Travel, most of all, gives you the gift of perspective. The feelings a break up evoke are some of the rawest, most authentic emotions you will ever go through, and nothing should detract from that or from your happier memories. But travelling starkly demonstrates how your break up is a drop in an ocean of experiences, from other failed relationships to birth, death, and everything in between. Across countries, cultures and races, we all experience change in our lives and we all learn, adapt and eventually move on. Initially a hard lesson to learn, this becomes an unexpected source of strength and comfort. And through travel, it also becomes clear that there is a whole world out there, with infinite opportunity.

Through experiencing the five points above, my “rebound trip” helped me to work through my break up. And there are alternatives closer to home: a new interest, a change in career, a challenging project - these can all help to refocus the mind and recharge the spirit. So, as we approach Valentine’s Day, I would urge any newly single ladies to take a chance and move boldly forward - who knows what adventures lay ahead?