Self identity in your relationship
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Posted by Girlosophy on Thu 3 November 2011
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Every week at the supermarket we see the world of tabloid relationships laid bare. Some come and go so quickly it leaves you dizzy (J-Lo, Madonna, all the Kardashians, I’m talking to you!). Some of these couples seem to endure despite crazy headlines. Whilst some seem suspiciously joined at the hip and then just as suspiciously seem to be last week’s news, and are out on the town again with a new partner! Hmmm.
It’s clear that you can’t believe what you read but it’s also clear that even those with supposedly all the support and opportunities in the world have a hard time making their relationships work. Here at Girlosophy, we’re all born romantics and born optimists – we actually think that good relationships are not only possible, they can be as easy as understanding and implementing a few basic ideas.
The main thing you need for good relationships is a sense of your self, so you have very clear boundaries and a strong identity. This allows you to ‘hold firm’ when things get a bit turbulent and it means that you are never compromised. Relationships are not about ‘becoming’ another person to please someone else. Relationships are designed to help you ‘become’ yourself. All relationships are perfect vehicles to help you do this.
Relationships show you who you are and this is why they are often so fraught with problems and tension. Finding out who each of us are in the context of our relationship involves checking out our shadow side. This can be heavy-duty for each person involved. But there is an upside. If you take responsibility for the problems – whether it’s your stuff or theirs – you might have set yourself up for a challenge but you have also positioned yourself perfectly for personal growth. And that is the real prize, no matter what the circumstances that led to it.
Relationships show you where you need to do the work.
Photographer: Anthea Paul
